Exhausted

Hi there. I am physically, emotionally, and spiritually exhausted today so I won't be writing. I should be back tomorrow. Have a great one!

Addictions

What I'm Reading Today: Exodus 9-11

One of the most challenging elements contained in all of Scriptures is the way the story of the plagues is told in today's passage from Exodus. I say that because the story tells us that at each turning point in the story it was God who hardened Pharaoh's heart so that Pharaoh would ignore Moses' plea to let the people go – thereby unleashing the next horrible plague upon Egypt. It's uncomfortable to entertain for even a moment the notion that God could be responsible for bringing such pain on the people of Egypt.

So if I don't like to think of God as being responsible for causing the plagues due to God's hardening of Pharaoh's heart, what do I think caused Pharaoh's remarkable stubbornness?

Here's what I think happened.

Those of you who have participated in a Twelve-Step movement know that the First Step (or stage in recovery) involves coming to terms with the following statement: "We admitted we were powerless over [fill in your form of the addiction here] – that our lives had become unmanageable." There are two concepts contained in that step that I think represented what was going on for Pharaoh.

First, I think that like many of us Pharaoh could not accept the fact that he was powerless over the series of events that were unfolding before him. As the people went from one plague to another, it was more important for Pharaoh to cling to the misguided belief that at any point he could simply assert his will and bring the plagues to an end. He held on to that belief in spite of the evidence around him. Second, Pharaoh was unwilling to admit his life was unmanageable because such an admission would have reflected poorly upon him and his leadership. Sure he looked around and saw the carcasses of the dead animals, the boils, the destruction from the hail, the work of the swarms of locusts, the paralyzing darkness, and the bodies of the firstborn. But did Pharaoh REALLY see any of those things? Or did his need to maintain the illusion of control cause him to look through those things? That is the question.

I suppose what I'm suggesting is that Pharaoh – like many of us – spent time in the throes of an addiction. In his case, his addiction was to control. The series of plagues that were unleashed upon Egypt represented a sort of "bottoming out" process for Pharaoh that was needed in order him to admit he was powerless - that his life had truly become unmanageable. Sadly, a whole nation had to go through this "bottoming out" process with Pharaoh before they could get on with their lives.

It's easy to look at Pharaoh and say, "Why didn't he snap out of it earlier and spare the Egyptians the pain and suffering?" I would caution against being too hard on Pharaoh – for lots of us live with our own addictive thinking and behavior. We can be every bit as stubborn as Pharaoh – every bit as unwilling to admit we are powerless over some aspect of our life, and that our lives have become unmanageable. Today, I would invite you to explore what it is that you might be so addicted to that it would take a series of plagues to get you to open your eyes?

Til next time …

Self-Imposed Limitations

What I'm Reading Today: Exodus 6-8

When I was first grappling with my call to ministry, I had a huge obstacle to overcome. That obstacle wasn't what many people assume it was. Let me set up my situation, and then identify what that primary obstacle was.

I was raised as a member of the United Methodist Church. My family had been Methodist for several generations. Growing up, I knew that the UMC had a policy against ordaining people who were openly Gay or Lesbian. As I grew into an understanding of who I was (a gay man), I figured that this meant I could never be ordained as a parish minister.

Let me stop there for a moment and talk about the primary obstacle I faced on my path toward ordination. Many folks hear this and assume the primary obstacle I faced was the denominational policy that excluded me from consideration for ordination. While the denominational policy certainly was one obstacle, it wasn't the primary obstacle.

So what was the primary obstacle?

The primary obstacle was my decision to buy into the thinking behind the policy. I spent years questioning my value and worth because of the policy: not only as a candidate but as a human being. Because of that, I didn't even think of pursuing ordination in other traditions that were inclusive. In other words, the greatest obstacle before me was between my ears. I was imposing limitations upon myself because of the way I thought about myself.

Thankfully, God was stubborn and hung in there until I was able to recover from the religious abuse I suffered at the hand of the UMC. Eventually I realized I was a gifted, capable person whom God could use to touch the lives of others.

Of course I wasn't the only one who felt inadequate when it came time to answer God's call. In today's reading we learn that Moses (the greatest figure in Hebrew Scripture/the Old Testament) also felt inadequate. When God first called Moses by saying, "Go and speak to Pharaoh king of Egypt so that he will release the Israelites from his land," Moses fought that call. He said, "Look-the Israelites won't even listen to me. How do you expect Pharaoh to? And besides, I stutter."

Moses reason for concern was different than mine – but the obstacle was the same. It was the same self-doubt that stemmed from between Moses' ears that caused him to think he wasn't capable of answering God's call. Once again, God was stubborn and refused to let Moses off the hook just because he thought of himself as incapable.

This issue of self-imposed limitations is an important issue because so many of us these days think poorly of ourselves. We think to ourselves, "I could never answer God's call. I'm too – (and you can fill in the blank here with your own limitation). You might think of yourself as either too old or too young; too skinny or too heavy; too poor or too rich – you name it. Whatever your self-imposed limitation is, today spend some time thinking about how your life might be different if you finally gave in to God's persistence and answered that call that you've been avoiding. Not only would you be better for it - the world would be as well.

Til next time …

Conceptualizing God

What I'm Reading Today: Exodus 3-5

For the last few years I lived in Denver, I was involved in what was called the In Care Committee for the Metropolitan Denver Association's Ministry Council (something other association's call the Committee on Ministry). In my capacity as a member of the In Care Committee, my job was to work with individuals on their path toward ordination to ensure they were ready to serve in some form of ministry.

We would meet with the individuals who were in care at least one a year and track their progress. At the end of their time of preparation, the individuals would then present their ordination paper to the committee, and we would question the candidate about their paper.

It seemed that most of us who served on the committee developed some questions that we would pose with some degree of regularity. Phil, for instance would ask a question about the relationship between of autonomy and covenant within the United Church of Christ. Steve would ask a question about pastoral care. Even I had a question I would ask with some regularity.

That question?

It had to do with the issue of theodicy (i.e. a form of the old "Why do bad things happen to good people?" question). You see lots of us progressive folks spend a good deal of our time talking about God in warm, fuzzy terms – in relation to words like "love", "grace", and "mercy". I would ask the candidate, "If you flip on the television and see a nature show where a predator like a cheetah is chasing down and killing an antelope, how do you explain that uncomfortable scene where one creature is feeding upon another creature as a part of this thing we call life? Why does it have to work that way?"

It was an admittedly clumsy question designed to get the candidate to push him/herself and account for aspects of creation (and by implication the Creator) that don't fit into our warm, fuzzy boxes. While there are certainly lots of aspects of what we call God that are warm and fuzzy, life has a way of reminding us that pieces of our experience transcend all boxes we create to capture both the creation and the Creator.

I thought of this as I read today's chapters from Exodus and was reminded of the phrase God used to describe Godself: "I-am-who-I-am". God didn't call Godself things like "I-AM-WHO-YOU-WOULD-LIKE-ME-TO-BE", or "I-AM-WHO-YOU-WOULD-PREFER-ME-TO-BE", or "I-AM-WHO-YOU-THINK-I-AM". Instead, we are told God used the phrase "I-AM-WHO-I-AM".

Today, I would invite you to spend some time sitting in prayer and/or meditation and opening yourself up to the expansive pieces of God that might not fit into your current ways of thinking about/experiencing God. While such time might initially seem scary or threatening since it might challenge long-held assumptions, in the long run it will open you up to a deeper connection with God – a connection that exists not on our terms, but more on God's.

Til next time …