Today’s Lectionary Readings: Psalm 100; Zechariah 9:9-16; Matthew 18:10-20; 3 John 1-8; Psalm 23
In reading today’s Gospel passage, I stumbled upon a lesson I need to learn in my day to day life: how to handle conflict. I have a problem in my life with something called triangling. Here’s what triangling means. Let’s say John and Susan get into a conflict about something. Instead of handling the issue between themselves, let’s say John comes to me to complain about Susan with the expectation that I can help get Susan to come around. What originally started as a conflict between John and Susan escalates into an issue between John, Susan, and me. As a pastor, there are many times when things like this happen. Folks expect me to have all the answers (or at least pull the ‘pastoral privilege’ card in order to get the other person “to come around”). Of course with my propensity to be a people pleaser, more often than not in the past I’ve dived in when I shouldn’t have. Hence, my experience of triangling. Let me say from years of experience that triangling IS NOT FUN (This would be the understatement of the year). Jesus’ words in Matthew, however, remind me of another way of being in the midst of conflict. Matthew 18:15-17 (NIV) says: "If your brother [or sister] sins against you, go and show him [or her] his [or her] fault, just between the two of you. If he [or she] listens to you, you have won your brother [or sister] over. But if he [or she] will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.' If he [or she] refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church…” Jesus’ words remind us both to place accountability where it belongs – with the individuals involved. Jesus’ words also remind us that we are not a magical fix it tool that can accomplish the work of peace and reconciliation on our own. Whether or not you have an issue with triangling in your life, those words of wisdom regarding accountability and peace-making might help make your life a bit easier. Til next time…
In reading today’s Gospel passage, I stumbled upon a lesson I need to learn in my day to day life: how to handle conflict. I have a problem in my life with something called triangling. Here’s what triangling means. Let’s say John and Susan get into a conflict about something. Instead of handling the issue between themselves, let’s say John comes to me to complain about Susan with the expectation that I can help get Susan to come around. What originally started as a conflict between John and Susan escalates into an issue between John, Susan, and me. As a pastor, there are many times when things like this happen. Folks expect me to have all the answers (or at least pull the ‘pastoral privilege’ card in order to get the other person “to come around”). Of course with my propensity to be a people pleaser, more often than not in the past I’ve dived in when I shouldn’t have. Hence, my experience of triangling. Let me say from years of experience that triangling IS NOT FUN (This would be the understatement of the year). Jesus’ words in Matthew, however, remind me of another way of being in the midst of conflict. Matthew 18:15-17 (NIV) says: "If your brother [or sister] sins against you, go and show him [or her] his [or her] fault, just between the two of you. If he [or she] listens to you, you have won your brother [or sister] over. But if he [or she] will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.' If he [or she] refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church…” Jesus’ words remind us both to place accountability where it belongs – with the individuals involved. Jesus’ words also remind us that we are not a magical fix it tool that can accomplish the work of peace and reconciliation on our own. Whether or not you have an issue with triangling in your life, those words of wisdom regarding accountability and peace-making might help make your life a bit easier. Til next time…
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