I’m generally not a big fan of using the phrase “God is testing me”. While I understand where such folks are coming from (I.e. the book of Job), my personal experience of God suggests that God just wouldn’t act so capriciously just for the sake of proving a point. Having said all of that, today is one of those days where it feels like I have a test. You see on my last day of vacation in the Pacific Northwest, I’ll return to the church in which I was born, baptized, and raised. I’ll go back because of the coffee hour following the service in which the church will celebrate my father’s 80th birthday. So where’s the test lie? Well, in addition to having been baptized and raised in the church, my candidacy for ordained ministry was also discontinued by my home church because I was gay. In the days after my candidacy for ordained ministry was discontinued, I told myself that I would follow the admonition in Matthew 10:14 that says if a group doesn’t receive your ministry you should shake the dust from your shoes and move on. I intended to; I thought that I would never go back. Today, however, on some level it feels as if I have a two-part final exam. The first portion concerned my willingness to set aside my vow not to return and be a part of a family celebration. I’m ready for that portion of the test. The second part of the “test” is much trickier; it involves my decision whether or not to receive Communion in the community that broke its covenant promises to me. For several days, I thought I would make the decision not to receive the elements because of this. Today’s lectionary passage from 1 Peter helped change my mind. Those words from 1 Peter 4:12-13 read as follows: “Friends, when life get really difficult, don’t jump to the conclusion that God isn’t on the job. Instead, be glad that you are in the very thick of what Christ experienced. This is a spiritual refining process, with glory just around the corner” (The Message). Those words reminded me that my Communion experience today will in fact capture the very essence of what the sacrament is all about. Today, as I kneel at the altar, I will know first hand some of the feelings of what Jesus experienced (I.e. pain, betrayal, brokenness). Today, I will also know in very powerful ways other aspects of Jesus’ experience: forgiveness, grace, and love. Aren’t those all of those feelings and experiences (both good and bad) what Communion is all about? Perhaps there are pieces of your life where you feel conflicted - pieces where you want to draw lines around and keep God out. If that’s the case, I would invite you to do what I am in the process of doing - lay aside your pride, ego, will and your pain and invite the healing and transformative presence of God in. If you do that, you just might find that the glory that the author of 1 Peter said lies “just around the corner“ is closer than you think. Til next time…
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Sunday, May 4
I’m generally not a big fan of using the phrase “God is testing me”. While I understand where such folks are coming from (I.e. the book of Job), my personal experience of God suggests that God just wouldn’t act so capriciously just for the sake of proving a point. Having said all of that, today is one of those days where it feels like I have a test. You see on my last day of vacation in the Pacific Northwest, I’ll return to the church in which I was born, baptized, and raised. I’ll go back because of the coffee hour following the service in which the church will celebrate my father’s 80th birthday. So where’s the test lie? Well, in addition to having been baptized and raised in the church, my candidacy for ordained ministry was also discontinued by my home church because I was gay. In the days after my candidacy for ordained ministry was discontinued, I told myself that I would follow the admonition in Matthew 10:14 that says if a group doesn’t receive your ministry you should shake the dust from your shoes and move on. I intended to; I thought that I would never go back. Today, however, on some level it feels as if I have a two-part final exam. The first portion concerned my willingness to set aside my vow not to return and be a part of a family celebration. I’m ready for that portion of the test. The second part of the “test” is much trickier; it involves my decision whether or not to receive Communion in the community that broke its covenant promises to me. For several days, I thought I would make the decision not to receive the elements because of this. Today’s lectionary passage from 1 Peter helped change my mind. Those words from 1 Peter 4:12-13 read as follows: “Friends, when life get really difficult, don’t jump to the conclusion that God isn’t on the job. Instead, be glad that you are in the very thick of what Christ experienced. This is a spiritual refining process, with glory just around the corner” (The Message). Those words reminded me that my Communion experience today will in fact capture the very essence of what the sacrament is all about. Today, as I kneel at the altar, I will know first hand some of the feelings of what Jesus experienced (I.e. pain, betrayal, brokenness). Today, I will also know in very powerful ways other aspects of Jesus’ experience: forgiveness, grace, and love. Aren’t those all of those feelings and experiences (both good and bad) what Communion is all about? Perhaps there are pieces of your life where you feel conflicted - pieces where you want to draw lines around and keep God out. If that’s the case, I would invite you to do what I am in the process of doing - lay aside your pride, ego, will and your pain and invite the healing and transformative presence of God in. If you do that, you just might find that the glory that the author of 1 Peter said lies “just around the corner“ is closer than you think. Til next time…
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